I send out a newsletter every Friday to friends and subscribers and every so often, I share one here. If you’re considering moving to Portugal–or really, anywhere, this will be a helpful read. Not a subscriber? There’s a sign up form over in the sidebar.
Why I Wrote this Post
You ever meet those people—you know who I mean—who are just determined to be unhappy, no matter what? They go from thing to thing, partner to partner, place to place, thinking this next thing will make them happy and then, no, it didn’t. They’re basically bird poop looking for a place to splat.
This past week I joined a Facebook group for expats in Portugal that purported to look at Portugal “without the rose-colored glasses.” I liked that idea because I have seen the overselling of Portugal by glossy magazines and those looking to make money off expats moving here, promising super-cheap (it’s not), easy living. I thought, “Oh, this is cool. Reality-based. I can probably get some useful information here.”
O. M. G.
You know that line in Star Wars about the bar? “You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy”?
Tell it, Obi Wan.
Misery Does Indeed Love Company
I have never seen such a hive of unhappy, absolutely miserable people in my life.
What I found most interesting was that they didn’t know they brought their own unhappiness with them. They are those people who are looking for something to complain about, who are spoiling for a fight. One woman, who lives in a university town, complained about “gangs” of students walking about. How dare they? Another guy, who repeated several times that he had been in plenty of fights and had never walked away from one, told a story about how he was “provoked” into an argument and he only didn’t get physical out of respect for the bar owner. (Sure, Jan.) And, of course, Portuguese workers take your money then don’t show up (Have these people never lived in Florida?), are shiftless, don’t speak English, etc. etc.
The ick was strong in that group. That group was THE poster child for negativity feeding on negativity.
I left the group within hours and made sure I slid that little toggle switch to not be re-added to the group. I am not Little Mary Sunshine (in fact, I have the coffee cup that says so—thank you, Brian), but I also have decided not to allow unnecessary negativity in my life. I am not going to volunteer to feel bad; there’s enough in life to do that without seeking it out. That includes people, groups, and activities that give me “that feeling” in my stomach.
Life (Anywhere) Is Imperfect
Life sometimes gives you lemons and sometimes life lobs a freakin’ grenade at you. A lot of people in that group had bad experiences in Portugal. But you can have bad experiences anywhere. The bad can come from strangers or from people close to you or even from your own body. We live on a dangerous planet trying to get along with eight billion other imperfect humans. That’s the challenge that is set out for us. Yay?
And it’s glib to say “It’s how you react to a situation that matters” because really, I think people need time to absorb the bad and I am VERY BIG on (privately) reveling in misery, until I put on my big girl pants and say “Enough of this shit. What am I going to do about it?” (Mostly because I get bored with myself.) Sometimes the solution is out of your hands. But most times, there’s at least something you can do about your situation to make it a little better. Even if it’s just a brief moment of better.
So yeah, life can suck at times.
The people in that Facebook group maybe needed a public place to vent and so they did. But you can vent about a situation without making rude (and sometimes racist) generalizations about an entire population, particularly when you’ve invited yourself to their country. What I saw were people who wanted to be unhappy—to live in the suck. They were not looking for solutions. They were not looking for anything good. They were miserable and they wanted other people to be miserable and most of all, they wanted to be vindicated for being miserable. They were looking for confirmation and they got it there.
For them, life always serves lemons. And they are so determined to see the bad they miss the fact that life also serves up moments of sheer perfection.
Find Your Moments of Peace and Happiness
Most days (except in winter, of course), I sit out on my little balcony with my morning coffee and gaze out at my “front yard”—which is a UNESCO Ramsar Site. FREAKIN’ AWESOME! But when I lived in Punta Gorda, I would sit out on my lanai in the mornings with my coffee and gaze across the canal to the condos on the other side and feel just as happy. (Could be the coffee…)
It’s a little thing, a ritual really, that gives me a certain level of contentment.
The other day, after Portuguese class (an ongoing endeavor), a couple of ladies and I decided gelato would be a good breakfast so we headed down the street to the plaza where the gelato shop is. It was a sunny day. There was an event going on celebrating Earth Day, with local school children singing and putting on a show and the parents and passersby applauding. Sitting in the sun, eating gelato (two scoops), listening to children sing, it’s a moment in life that matters. It is a moment of joy.
(And of course, I am well-aware of the fact that my moments of joy are precipitated by caffeine and sugar. I am a cheap date.)
I don’t know if you can achieve perfection in big things. But there is perfection in little things. The smell of puppy fur. Or wild roses. The sound of someone singing or whistling out of sheer contentment, especially when they don’t know someone else can hear. An older couple holding hands as they take an evening stroll. The crisp tartness of a ripe Granny Smith. The decadence of a chocolate truffle. Little things.
Collect perfect moments in your days and string them together. Sometimes you have to look for them, but they are there, just waiting for you to notice and enjoy.
Will you find a perfect moment in your week? Please share it with us in the comments below.
