Making Friends in Portugal

Making friends in Portugal is easy in some ways and not easy in others. It depends on how outgoing you are, what you are looking for in a friendship, and, in my case, sheer good fortune.

Making friends as a kid was easy—or at least we think so looking back from a distance. You were thrown together with 20 or 30 other kids five days a week. There were kids in the neighborhood to play with. You might have been enrolled in dance class or Little League or bowling and made friends there.

As adults, we tend to have “work” friends and a few old friends and maybe a neighbor or two we actually like. As the years go by, our circle seems to get smaller.

For many people, the idea of picking up stakes and moving someplace where you know very few—if any—people, is daunting, to say the least. Moving to a new country with a different language, perhaps even one that you don’t speak, presents its own set of obstacles.

So, now I’m about to give you some ideas on how to meet new people and make new friends which will make me feel like I have become my mother. (The mirror reveals this transformation is almost complete.)

ExPat Groups

This is one of the first places I hit (once COVID restrictions were lifted) because I didn’t speak Portuguese and was starved for a conversation in English. Well, not really. Many of the Portuguese in The Algarve, because it’s a tourist area, speak fluent English. But they speak polite English; some of the idioms go zinging by. You miss the banter and the slang shorthand.

I actually met a few people before the restrictions were lifted through Facebook expat groups. I was contacted by a couple of ladies (separately), both British, and we met for coffee at outdoor cafes. Both had been in Portugal longer than I had and helped me through some of the newcomer confusion.

Once the world opened up again, I joined a group of expat women who met for lunch once a month. It’s mostly older women, but some younger. All of them fun. There’s a weekly meetup in town that I have yet to go to—I don’t think it will be my cup of tea and that’s okay. I have options. If I ever want to go, I am sure I will know people there, so I won’t be walking into a room full of strangers.

There are mixed groups, singles groups, groups designated by nationality, some by interests, etc. Some meet online, some meet in person. I am an introvert; going out specifically to meet people is not easy for me. But I did it and I met some great people.

Take a Class

There are classes here (or just about anywhere you go) for seemingly everything. Yoga on the beach, various arts and crafts, dance, history…  If you want to get formal, university fees are relatively cheap here.

One of the best things you can do for yourself is sign up for Portuguese classes. The state-sponsored classes are basically free (nominal registration fee), and they fill up quickly. Everyone is in the same boat trying to learn and there’s nothing like making a fool of yourself to help you bond.

Volunteer

There’s a woman in my Portuguese class who is doing something every weekend with various groups. One group she is involved with does beach cleanup—a different beach every weekend and then they all go for drinks after. Another friend volunteered at a charity shop.

There are plenty of volunteer organizations from animal groups, to helping kids and the elderly, ecological groups, political groups—you name it. And if you are passionate about something and can’t find a group, start one!

Just Ask if they Want to go For Coffee or Wine

Is it that simple? Yep. I met one friend because she posted this in the local Facebook group: “Hi. I’m new in town and I’d like to meet some people. I’ll be at the Black Pearl at 7:00 pm on Thursday if anyone wants to meet for drinks.” A few of us showed up. One person didn’t stick, but I made a new friend. (And yes, I am in awe of her bravery!)

One of the things that makes you feel like you are “at home” in your new country is having someone you can call up and say, “Hey—let’s go for coffee” or “Let’s go to lunch.” It’s a little touch of normalcy that you don’t realize you are missing those first few months.

Go Local

Just about every village and town has a Facebook group. If they don’t, there will be a community website you can check. Here you will find listed all the local events, from religious processions, kids’ dance recitals, festivals (LOTS of festivals here!), fun runs, concerts, arts and crafts fairs. Go check events out. It will seem like the whole town turned out (and in some smaller villages, that’s pretty close to reality).

You might not know anyone the first few times; that’s okay. Buy something, show some support. Clap and cheer for the kids. Eventually, people will start to recognize you and you move up to a nod as they catch your eye. That’s progress. I still can’t hold a proper conversation in Portuguese, but I know most of the locals by sight and they know me. We smile and greet each other. Once my Portuguese is up to speed, we’ll move up to chatting. Going to local events shows people that you are interested in being part of the community. You have to make the first move.

What’s Worked Best for Me

My daily (mostly daily) walks. I didn’t know a soul in my village. On my walks, I would great everyone I passed with a cheery “Bom dia!” and made a huge fuss over every good doggie I saw. (They are ALL good doggies. You know this because when you say, “Are you a good doggie?” they wag their tails in confirmation.) I met two people on these walks who have become friends here. Real friends. People I can call on if I have an emergency or just want to meet for coffee or a drink. Others I know by sight and they know me. The first time someone honked their horn and waved at me as they drove by was incredibly heartwarming.

Warning: Most New Friendships Will Be Superficial

I met one lady who told me that she was a social butterfly. She didn’t sit with the same people at events—she went to those events to meet people so she table-hopped. She picked me up as a friend. We had a few coffees together and then I was dropped. And that was fine—we weren’t a good fit. She moved in a different circle (whereas I barely move).

That’s okay. You’re not going to be a good fit for everyone and not everyone will be a good fit for you. The good thing about being an adult is that you are able to see that and not take it personally. Many expats have kind of a “wait and see” attitude. They are reluctant to make friends with someone who is going to turn around and head back to where they came from or move to a different area. I don’t think they even know they’re doing it. The longer you’re established, the easier it is to get around that hurdle.

The Keepers

Not everyone you meet will become a real friend. Some people will always be acquaintances. Other friendships will grow over time and shared experiences. Then there are the people, when you’re very lucky, you connect with instantly. You meet and it’s just easy. Something just clicks.

Those instant connections are rare, whether you stay in the same town forever or decide to move halfway across the world. Those people are the keepers.

Do What Works for You

I have been very lucky to have been “adopted” by people who are better at making friends than I am. I try to learn from them, to look for the person who is alone and could use a cheerful greeting or a bit of chat. I am not good at it. I am trying to get better. I am not an extrovert but I can fake it well enough for a few hours. It’s easier for me to be friendly if I think I am helping someone else.

Real friendship takes work. It takes getting out of yourself and thinking about the other person. You have to make an effort to meet up and check in on each other. We all have busy lives and sometimes it is difficult to find the time to maintain a friendship properly. Do what you can, when you can. If you find yourself thinking about someone, send them a quick text if you don’t have time to talk, and let them know you are thinking about them. Set up scheduled times to talk or visit, if that’s what it takes.

Making new friends as an adult is not as easy as it was when you were a kid, but it’s not that hard, either. It just takes a little time, effort, and care. As most things worth doing do.